Personal Radiation

Today's post comes from President David O. McKay, specifically from an address given at BYU April 27, 1948.

"There is one responsibility which no man can evade; that responsibility is his personal influence. Man's unconscious influence is the silent, subtle radiation of his personality--the effect of his words and his acts on others. This radiation is tremendous. Every moment of life man is changing, to a degree, the life of the whole world.

Every man has an atmosphere which is affecting every other man. He cannot escape for one moment from this radiation of his character, this constant weakening or strengthening of others. Man cannot evade the responsibility by merely saying that it is an unconscious influence.

Man can select the qualities he would permit to be radiated. He can cultivate sweetness, calmness, trust, generosity, truth, justice, loyalty, nobility, and make them vitally active in his character. And by these qualities he will constantly affect the world.

This radiation, to which I refer, comes from what a person really is, not from what he pretends to be. Every man by his mere living is radiating either sympathy, sorrow, morbidness, cynicism, or happiness and hope--or any one of a hundred other qualities.

Life is a state of radiation and absorption. To exist is to radiate; to exist is to be the recipient of radiation."

Over the last several years, I can distinctly remember seemingly insignifiicant experiences (interactions with other people) that have left surprisingly large impacts on my life. I'm going to focus these thoughts on the positive ones.

My first week living in North Carolina, I drove to "Uptown" for a job interview. After getting lost a few times, I finally asked a female security guard where I was and where I should go. She was so kind and friendly, called me "sweetheart," and made me feel right at home. When I think of North Carolina and "Southern Hospitality" I think back to that experience and how that women helped me feel impotant.

Since we've lived in our current house, we've had several neighbors rent out the house next door. I happened to make some treats on evening (something I do quite often, unfortunately) and I thought I'd take our new neighbors some so that we could meet them, and so that we could get the extra dessert off our hands. It was an extremely easy and convenient thing for us to do. A couple months later they were told that they had to move again. They were somewhat frustrated, and while they were packing and getting ready to leave, the wife told me that I had made such an impact on them when I brought over those treats. She told me that their former neighbors never said a word to them and that it was so nice to have neighbors who were friendly.

Small things make the biggest difference.

Book vs TV

During my high school years, I never had time to watch TV. I didn't even know what shows were on. During college I didn't watch any television either. Then I got married and I got a job. . . I still didn't watch any TV. That job didn't last very long (I quit) and I found that I had a lot of time on my hands. I was expecting my first child, and I decided I would relax, teach myself how to sew, and not worry about commuting to work an 8 hour day any longer. This was the first time in my life I really started watching a lot of TV. There were even a few shows I got addicted to. I don't like to admit this. Once my son got to an age where I didn't want him staring at the TV all day, I turned it off and started watching it only after he went to bed. But I still felt like a TV junkie and I didn't like that feeling. I hated knowing that I had completely wasted 2 hours of my life sitting in front of a metal box letting garbage seep into my brain. I've realized that there is hardly anything worth watching on TV, and I now resort to it a few nights a week when I am completely spent and I don't want to lift a finger. I've found that I feel more relaxed and at peace when I spend my evening reading, but only if the book is uplifting. The following quote is from the Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, p.304

"With the abundance of books available, it is the mark of a truly educated man to know what not to read. 'Of making many books there is no end' (Ecclesiastes 12:12). In your reading you would do well to follow the counsel of John Wesley's mother: Avoid 'whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, takes off your relish for spiritual things, and increases the authority of the body over the mind."

Journal writing

A while ago I picked up a book that was put together by somebody in my extended family. It contained a compilation of my Grandma's journal entries. I loved reading her journal and learning more about the details of her daily life. She died when I was 14, and her death was a huge shock to me. My biggest regret after her death was that I did not get to know her better. She was always over for Sunday dinner and special occasions, but I rarely sat down just to have a talk with her. I am so grateful that she had taken the time to record her thoughts and feelings about her life, so that I could really have a chance to get to know her a little better. She was one of the most Christlike people I have ever known, and I hope to be more like her.

Thanks to my Grandma, I picked up my journal again after a long hiatus. Lately, I have been motivated to write because I love writing about the things my kids do and say. I also want to record the fun and simple things we do as a family in order to preserve the memories as best as I can. I love journal writing because it helps me realize the hand that the Lord has in my life every single day. I am more aware of my blessings when I write them down. And I discover the daily miracles that would have otherwise gone unnoticed.

"What could you do better for your children and your children's children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved? Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity." -President Spencer W. Kimball

"Some people say, 'I don't have anything to record. Nothing spiritual happens to me.' I say, 'start recording, and spiritual things will happen. They are there all the time, but we become more sensitive to them as we write.' " -Elder John H. Groberg

The Millenium

Sometimes when I hear people refer to the Second Coming of Christ--usually because of a natural disaster, or simply because of the general state of wickedness in the world--I feel afraid. I know that I should really feel hopeful and optimistic, but it is so easy to think that I am not doing enough or that I'm not trying hard enough. I should feel prepared, yet it is still so easy to feel scared. I needlessly worry that it will just happen, and that I won't be ready. The following quote by Neal A. Maxwell is comforting, motivating, and encouraging to me. What I understand from this quote is, if I'm trying hard to "establish" righteousness, and if I'm helping to build the kingdom, I will not know exactly when Christ will come again, but I will be in the right place at the right time. I found this in Wherefore, Ye Must Press Forward.

"Thus that millenarian moment will not spring out of senates, will not be propelled by mortal proclamations, and will not be traceable to treaties. Rather, the King, Jesus Christ, will have first established His kingdom and His people, physically and spiritually, and He will then come and judge all societies according to His standards, not secular standards.

It is a prophetic promise as specific as it is dramatic--a much different thing than just sloshing around in sentiment, hoping vaguely that the peace spoken of will come in spite of everything.

So far as widespread peace is concerned, it will come not by a never-never gradualism, but by a gradual preparation of a particular people, followed by a sudden--but unannounced--coming of the King of Peace. No wonder His disciples should seek to establish His righteousness and kingdom! We must be willing to let go of the world in order to save it!"

Music

Earlier today, when I was in the car with my kids, I thought about the music that I usually have playing while we drive. Today we were listening to a classical mix called Silence, and sadly, I don't think I can name any of the songs or composers on the CD. Still, I loved the sense of peace and calm that I felt while I toted my kids around town. It reminded me of this quote by Brigham Young: "There is no music in Hell, for all good music belongs to heaven."

Idolatry

When I hear the word "idolatry," I immediately think of the movie that I watch every Easter, The Ten Commandments. I think of the part in the movie where the Hebrews, after they have been freed, make a golden calf and begin to worship it. It is true, though, that there are so many more forms of idols in the world today. We need only to think of the things that people worship--money (possessions), education, status or position, Hollywood, drugs and alcohol, diet and exercise--to realize that idolatry has captured the hearts and minds of so many people since the days of Moses and the golden calf.

Spencer W. Kimball's talk The False Gods We Worship is a well-known sermon on the wickedness that seems to be permeating the earth. He states, "Few men have ever knowingly and deliberately chosen to reject God and his blessings. Rather, we learn from the scriptures that because the exercise of faith has always appeared to be more difficult than relying on things more immediately at hand, carnal man has tended to transfer his trust in God to material things. Therefore, in all ages when men have fallen under the power of Satan and lost the faith, they have put in its place a hope in the 'arm of flesh' and in 'gods of silver, and gold, of brass, iron, wood, and stone, which see not, nor hear, nor know' (Dan. 5:23)--that is, in idols. This I find to be a dominant theme in the Old Testament. Whatever thing a man sets his heart and his trust in most is his god: and if his god doesn't also happen to be the true and living God of Israel, that man is laboring in idolatry. It is my firm belief that when we read these scriptures and try to 'liken them unto ourselves,' as Nephi suggested (1 Ne. 19:24), we will see many parallels between the ancient worship of graven images and behavioral patterns in our very own experience."

Perfectionism

We know that we must be clean and perfect to enter the kingdom of God, yet we also know that we are not perfect. This seems like a paradox. Yet, when we understand the huge part that the savior plays in extending his arm of mercy, we can have hope in mortality. When we are honestly trying to live a righteous life, He makes up the difference in order for us to reach the kingdom of heaven.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about perfectionism and why I so often feel like I need to be perfect at everything I do. It is an easy trap to fall into in the world and in the church. When I see the successes of others, I hate to admit it, but I'm not always happy for them. Instead, I tend to point a negative finger at myself. I have bad hair days (or years), days when the bread doesn't rise as much as I'd like, when dinner doesn't turn out the way I thought it would, when I don't get out and exercise, when my sugar tooth gets the best of me, etc. These mays seem like such petty things, but they are my daily struggles, and I often beat myself over them. I think the real issue for me is understanding the difference between wanting to improve and be better at something (stop yelling at my kids) and getting so discouraged when I'm not perfect at it (I already yelled at my kids today, it's only 9 am. . . I'll never be as good as Grandma, who never yelled at her children).

Patricia T. Holland said, "we must have courage to be imperfect while striving for perfection. We must not allow our own guilt, the feminist books, the talk-show hosts, or the whole media culture to sell us a bill of goods--or rather a bill of no goods. We can become so sidetracked in our compulsive search for identity and self-esteem that we really believe it can be found in having perfect figures or academic degrees or professional status or even absolute motherly success. Yet, in so searching externally, we can be torn from our true internal, eternal selves. We often worry so much about pleasing and performing for others that we lose our uniqueness--that full and relaxed acceptance of one's self as a person of worth and individuality. We become so frightened and insecure that we cannot be generous toward the diversity and individuality, and yes, problems, of our neighbors. Too many women with these anxieties watch helplessly as their lives unravel from the very core that centers and sustains them."

I know women are very guilty of perfectionism, and I don't really know why it is women tend to be more guilty of it than men. I do know, however, that everyone can become more humble by relying more on the savior and less on his/her illusions of perfectionism.

Teaching our Children

Elder Nelson's talk during the morning session of the last general conference (April 08) was a very clear answer to my prayers. I have read a lot of parenting books and heard a lot of advice about how to discipline or not to discipline my kids. I've been confused and unsure about what to do, and I was unsure about what I was doing at the time. My son was definitely going through the inevitable toddler-temper tantrum stage, which he has still to grow out of, and I was at a loss. I prayed specifically for the best way to teach my son obedience. In his talk, Elder Nelson asked the question: "How can we best teach our children? The Lord has given us specific instruction: 'No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile--reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards and increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.' When a child needs correction, you might ask yourself, 'What can I say or do that would persuade him or her to choose a better way?' When giving necessary correction, do it quietly, privately, lovingly, and not publicly. If a rebuke is required, show an increase of love promptly so that seeds of resentment my not remain. To be persuasive, your love must be sincere and your teachings based on divine doctrne and correct principles. Do not try to control your children. Instead, listen to them, help them to learn the gospel, inspire them, and lead hem toward eternal life."

Charity

Charity, as a concept, used to be difficult for me to understand. We learn in 2 Nephi that charity is a commandment, that it is "love." We learn in Moroni that if men do not have charity they are nothing. And in Alma, we are admonished to have "faith, hope, and charity," yet out of these three charity is the greatest. I always believed that charity was bringing somebody dinner when they were sick or giving to the poor, etc. And while service is charity, I felt like I was simply going through the motions of doing things for people withought feeling a lot of love for them. I felt compassion for them, and I felt like I was making them happy in a way, but I just didn't feel an outpouring of love. I think this was simply because it's never been a difficult thing for me to bring somebody dinner, give someone a ride to the doctor, pay my tithing, etc. I'm home most of the day with my kids, it's easy for me to throw them in the car, and I'm always up for cooking something. I just didn't feel like I was sacrificing much. A year ago, I stumbled upon a quote by Marvin J. Ashton, who was quoting C.S. Lewis. The insight from both of these people completely reshaped the way I thought about the concept of charity. Because of their words, I came to a realization that having charity, or feeling charity, can be extremely hard for me.

"'Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again (C.S. Lewis).' Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let you down; resisting the impulse to become offended. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is accepting the best of each other."
-Marvin J. Ashton

Be Still

President Hinckley stated, " the world is so noisy. There are voices everywhere trying to influence us. We all need time to think. We need to drown out the clamor and noise and simply be quiet. We need time to ponder and meditate, and to contemplate the deeper things of life. We need time to read and to immerse ourselves in the thoughts of great minds."
-from Way to Be

At a BYU management society dinner this past year, I had the opportunity to hear Elder Ballard speak. I was impressed by his knowledge of the technical world, and of his understanding of what happens on the ever-famous w.w.w. He told us (I'm not directly quoting here) to make sure we use our blogs as missionary tools and to not be afraid of sharing our testimonies of the gospel on our blogs.

At the time I heard this I did not have a blog. And I did not intend to start one. However, the more I have thought about Elder Ballard's words, the more I have realized that I need a place to organize my thoughts on the gospel and on other things I believe to be true. I do have a personal journal that I write in often, but this blog is an attempt to share, publicly, thoughts and quotes that are important to me.

If you happen to find this blog, I hope you can find something in it that is meaningful to you. More importantly, I hope it will give your day an extra boost, and I hope it will allow you a moment to be still.

The "great mind" that has impressed me today is Chieko Okazaki. In Being Enough she said "Every living person is a child of God. But that's the beginning point, not the ending point. The ending point is to become peers of God, friends of God, coworkers with God, adults of God. He wants us to grow up, not remain children. I think that some of us sometimes regress to being two-year-olds of God and have tantrums when things don't go our way or when we get tired or scared. Some of us get stuck being teenagers of God, who just got a driver's liscense and are out to see how fast we can move our lives from one lane to the next and play some pretty reckless and heedless games with this precoious life God has given us. Some of us jump ahead and are Alzheimer's patients of God where our short-term memory is disappearing and we keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again because we can't remember that the exact same thing we're doing right now didn't work before either. Some of us are junkies of God and go from one spiritual book or speaker or Education Week to another without ever thoughtfully sifting and sorting and laying out the pieces of our lives before God and asking him to help us shape these pieces into something meaningful. Some of us are workaholics of God. We plunge into our callings and our service projects and our personal gospel study and our genealogical research and God becomes somebody we meet at the drinking fountain or the copy machine long enough to gasp out a quick report before we rush off to the next project."