Perfectionism

We know that we must be clean and perfect to enter the kingdom of God, yet we also know that we are not perfect. This seems like a paradox. Yet, when we understand the huge part that the savior plays in extending his arm of mercy, we can have hope in mortality. When we are honestly trying to live a righteous life, He makes up the difference in order for us to reach the kingdom of heaven.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about perfectionism and why I so often feel like I need to be perfect at everything I do. It is an easy trap to fall into in the world and in the church. When I see the successes of others, I hate to admit it, but I'm not always happy for them. Instead, I tend to point a negative finger at myself. I have bad hair days (or years), days when the bread doesn't rise as much as I'd like, when dinner doesn't turn out the way I thought it would, when I don't get out and exercise, when my sugar tooth gets the best of me, etc. These mays seem like such petty things, but they are my daily struggles, and I often beat myself over them. I think the real issue for me is understanding the difference between wanting to improve and be better at something (stop yelling at my kids) and getting so discouraged when I'm not perfect at it (I already yelled at my kids today, it's only 9 am. . . I'll never be as good as Grandma, who never yelled at her children).

Patricia T. Holland said, "we must have courage to be imperfect while striving for perfection. We must not allow our own guilt, the feminist books, the talk-show hosts, or the whole media culture to sell us a bill of goods--or rather a bill of no goods. We can become so sidetracked in our compulsive search for identity and self-esteem that we really believe it can be found in having perfect figures or academic degrees or professional status or even absolute motherly success. Yet, in so searching externally, we can be torn from our true internal, eternal selves. We often worry so much about pleasing and performing for others that we lose our uniqueness--that full and relaxed acceptance of one's self as a person of worth and individuality. We become so frightened and insecure that we cannot be generous toward the diversity and individuality, and yes, problems, of our neighbors. Too many women with these anxieties watch helplessly as their lives unravel from the very core that centers and sustains them."

I know women are very guilty of perfectionism, and I don't really know why it is women tend to be more guilty of it than men. I do know, however, that everyone can become more humble by relying more on the savior and less on his/her illusions of perfectionism.